Chuck Palahniuk's Kidney Stone Necklace
Ahhhhhhhhh.......
A stretch and a yawn, work's over, it's Singles Awareness Day, and I'm celebrating it properly- with a little self-love. Beck is crooning about Paper Tigers, string sections are making the cream in my coffee rise and fall, and the world seems palatable and well-spoken for a change. No, no clandestine onanism now, I'm riding lasting mind 'gasm of a vintage I haven't tasted in awhile. Beck fades, STS9 takes over and flows from the speakers, painting my eardrums with some splendorifus D&B... yep, life's good. My vices of wine, women and cigs have taken a break today, leaving me some breathing room, some time to plan the next move.
I talked with a girl today who met Chuck Palahniuk at a book signing in Berkley- he was reading from his newest book at the time, Guts. His reading was so intense in performance and graphic in the writing, a woman next to my friend actually fainted. How fantastic is that? Later, when Q&A time came up, he would root thru this big box of toys next to him and give the questioner a lil' something- stuffed aminal, bottle of vodka, consumer shit™ #21, you know- in return. My friend asked him a question, and as her reward she ended up getting a Mystery Prize- Mr. 'Niuk rooted thru the box, then patted himself down, pulled a slender box out of his coat pocket, and gave it to her. The box was hand-decorated by Chuck, along with his signature on the top. Inside, she found the ugliest beaded necklace she had ever seen, along with a note that said "Beauty is Power."
He told her that a few weeks ago, while he was, um, passing a kidney stone, he took a bunch of uppers and couldn't sit still. So, to divert himself, he busted out his beading skills from the Scouts and made... a... something. As soon as he had finished, pop! out goes the kidney stone. So now, my friend has Chuck Palanhiuk's Kidney Stone Necklace. Please say that aloud with me thrice...*
Chuck Palanhiuk's Kidney Stone Necklace...
Chuck Palanhiuk's Kidney Stone Necklace...
Chuck Palanhiuk's Kidney Stone Necklace!
Now how effing cool is that?
If I ever go to prison, I want that necklace... I have a feeling it will ward off the different gangs, the guards, and, of course... ha, you thought I was going to say kidney stones... (ed. note- unfunny. people will think you dim. please change.)
I will try and get a picture of it posted so it can be recorded for posterity... I'm not all about hero worship, yo... I just enjoy shitty beadwork....
<™>
A stretch and a yawn, work's over, it's Singles Awareness Day, and I'm celebrating it properly- with a little self-love. Beck is crooning about Paper Tigers, string sections are making the cream in my coffee rise and fall, and the world seems palatable and well-spoken for a change. No, no clandestine onanism now, I'm riding lasting mind 'gasm of a vintage I haven't tasted in awhile. Beck fades, STS9 takes over and flows from the speakers, painting my eardrums with some splendorifus D&B... yep, life's good. My vices of wine, women and cigs have taken a break today, leaving me some breathing room, some time to plan the next move.
I talked with a girl today who met Chuck Palahniuk at a book signing in Berkley- he was reading from his newest book at the time, Guts. His reading was so intense in performance and graphic in the writing, a woman next to my friend actually fainted. How fantastic is that? Later, when Q&A time came up, he would root thru this big box of toys next to him and give the questioner a lil' something- stuffed aminal, bottle of vodka, consumer shit™ #21, you know- in return. My friend asked him a question, and as her reward she ended up getting a Mystery Prize- Mr. 'Niuk rooted thru the box, then patted himself down, pulled a slender box out of his coat pocket, and gave it to her. The box was hand-decorated by Chuck, along with his signature on the top. Inside, she found the ugliest beaded necklace she had ever seen, along with a note that said "Beauty is Power."
He told her that a few weeks ago, while he was, um, passing a kidney stone, he took a bunch of uppers and couldn't sit still. So, to divert himself, he busted out his beading skills from the Scouts and made... a... something. As soon as he had finished, pop! out goes the kidney stone. So now, my friend has Chuck Palanhiuk's Kidney Stone Necklace. Please say that aloud with me thrice...*
Chuck Palanhiuk's Kidney Stone Necklace...
Chuck Palanhiuk's Kidney Stone Necklace...
Chuck Palanhiuk's Kidney Stone Necklace!
Now how effing cool is that?
If I ever go to prison, I want that necklace... I have a feeling it will ward off the different gangs, the guards, and, of course... ha, you thought I was going to say kidney stones... (ed. note- unfunny. people will think you dim. please change.)
I will try and get a picture of it posted so it can be recorded for posterity... I'm not all about hero worship, yo... I just enjoy shitty beadwork....
<™>
posted by ThoughtMeats at 5:26 PM
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